+ Interviewer:
I’m interested in this particular topic which might relate to certain people out there, notably in their ‘crisis’ time, periods when individuals questioning several things that appear in their life. Do you think that some pieces of you, internally, need to change?
* Interviewee:
Maybe yes, they need to be fixed and straightened out for better and for self development. Well, I’m still reflecting and figuring it out. As David’s Psalm says, ‘Search me, God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting‘.
+ Interviewer:
Does that sensitive, private and maybe individual-specific part for some men needs to change?
* Interviewee:
I don’t know and I’m not certain yet. It may needs to (completely or partially to some degree) change or it may be the subject that needs to be replaced. The only thing that not change is the change itself, I guess.
+ Interviewer:
Do you expect this kind of the ‘situation’ and the ‘story’?
* Interviewee:
No, not really. Don’t get me wrong, but any other option might be better than the ‘situation’ and the ‘story’.
+ Interviewer:
Could you accept the ‘situation’ and the ‘story’ within your tolerable scale?
* Interviewee:
Not really. In fact, I don’t ever want this, I don’t need it from ihr and I don’t want to know as well as I don’t even give any concern to issue related to the topic of the ‘story’. I have never imagined nor expected something like this and I find no comfort and instead feel annoyed every time sie rises this issue up. Nevertheless, what I’m not certain at is the one that keep questioning, ‘is it my mere ego that needs to be eliminated or is it normal so that I just have to follow and to do what I always desire?’. Hopefully there will be figured out right away as I continue the journey to discover it.
+ Interviewer:
Then, why don’t you leave?
* Interviewee:
I don’t know, I’m just trying despite of the complexity. Perhaps it’s complicated to answer your question, but I try to tell you some explanation that I can give as for now. First, to some extent, gratefully, I must admit that there are some good and acceptable things which I received from it. Second, I want to undergo this exploration and journey with ihr since there is always space for hopeful and better days ahead – never underestimate any odds. In spite of the risks, maybe it’s worth to give some effort to hold on for a while, wait and see. Third, I’m not sure yet but I have the courage needed to keep calm and carry on. This reminds me of the famous quotes by Nietzsche saying that ‘to live is to suffer, to survive is to find some meaning in the suffering’.
Maybe, am I a masochist who find and get some pleasure from pain? Don’t get too serious, otherwise you’ll lose joyful of the moment *laugh*.
Anyway, let me play this song for a moment.
hope. 