Each individual might have a unique journey and experience to reach a certain level of understanding. In research, a question is raised and will be answered through the appropriate methodology to conclude. Analogously, we might have our questions about particular things that will eventually be revealed, but the process to get to the answers might be different. Why do we need to experience the process which is often painful? This post aims to discuss the meaning of real love based on personal judgment, experience, and intuition, and to explore the importance of getting through the process to infer that meaning.
To begin, the initial question raised was, when an individual is in a relationship, how does one know that his partner in the relationship is the real love with whom he will be in a long-term commitment? While much information can answer the question, it is not until one experiences it himself that he can grasp a full comprehension. The process to obtain the answer involves a substantial amount of time, moments, costs, etc. Several points are worth noting after going through some time in a relationship with someone who is seemingly real love.
The first is regarding the meaning of true love. From the perspective of the person in the relationship, there might not be such a sacrifice when we truly love someone. In other words, we would do anything for this person no matter what (of course, positively and constructively). We do not perceive this manner as a cost or burden for us since this person is basically ourselves, our life, our priority, our “the one that we would not want to lose at all costs”. We are willing to act, to give, and are definitely going to do anything, even if there might be obstacles and challenges. Because her happiness is my happiness, and she is my life. I love her as I love myself. In a broader context, this might also be one of the reasons parents will always provide the best for their offspring, as well as when one is passionate about his pursuit in life.
Second, depending on one’s belief, the observable indicator that someone is our real love is when this person could encourage or lead us to do better in our important aspects. For example, for someone who values spirituality, his true love might be someone who can ‘nudge’ him to be a better version of himself and to be closer to what is expected based on his belief instead of being stuck at some point. Moreover, the one who is for us might be someone who can align with our thoughts and fundamental principles. For instance, if one holds the principle of honesty and integrity, he might not want a partner who is not true to herself, talks inconsistently with her actions, or tells lies to her significant others, such as her family. In the end, what we need is companionship. Someone who can help us, let us help her, someone we can share anything and take good advice from, someone we can truly love.
Third, a process in any context and way might be painful, but it is worth the pain. One good fact to be inferred a lesson from is the process of an eagle. While an eagle might live up to 70 years, it has to get through a painful process after the first 40 years of its lifetime. In its 40th year, an eagle is left with only two options: die or go through a painful process of change that lasts for a certain period (5 to 6 months). The process requires that the eagle fly to a mountaintop and sit alone in its nest, knocking its beak against a rock until it plucks it out. Then, the eagle will wait for a new beak to grow back before it plucks out its talons. Once its new talons grow back, the eagle starts plucking its old, aged feathers. After 5 to 6 months, the eagle takes its flight of rebirth and lives for 30 more years. It has to undergo a painful and durable process to survive and rebirth, but the process is worth the longevity.
Fourth, it might be hard to see and think objectively during a struggling process, and thus, we might need to hold on. To do so, we need something for our cornerstones, which are our commitment to fundamental values and principles. During a relationship that might not be the one for us or after a break up from a relationship, it may be difficult for oneself to take a clear sight since we have a short and finite horizon. There might be temptations to compromise, damaging the commitment to our values. Nevertheless, it would be pointless to trade off our fundamentals with lust during our ignorance. While there are things we could and might need to compromise, our values are none of them. We can observe a person not from his words, but his actions and decisions. Holding on to core values might be a guide leading us to comprehend and accept the process at some point. We need to embrace the process that can be painful because it would make us deeply comprehend a meaning, and recognize and truly appreciate the reward we obtain resulting from the process. In a relationship context, one can understand himself, the true objective of a relationship, and find his real love.
To conclude, there might be phases in understanding the meaning of love and a relationship and the comprehension could still develop over time. The process is represented in the journey that points toward worthy things ahead. So, let our hearts hold fast because this too shall pass.
hope. 