Choosing in The Transition Phase

“We need wisdom and courage to choose among hard choices.”
Chatib Basri (2020)


The transition phase is arguably a tough time to pass through. Despite the hardship, however, it gives many things to learn as well as moves subjects from one state to another. Not only in terms of business and economy but also human beings – physically and mentally – are experiencing transition phase during their lifetime. The transition phase that we would like to discuss here is particularly about an individual’s moving phase from teenage to adult. While choosing and making decisions is a regular task people facing in each day, nevertheless, doing so in the transition phase is rather a distinctive situation since there are plenty of factors, impacts and consequences that need to be considered wisely and carefully before making a choice.

The transition phase is often quite challenging. This is the time when an individual starts thinking deeply about himself, his identity, role, and integrity – a period when he keeps questioning everything. Question regarding the meaning of life, about righteousness and important decision to make in every situation, where will life bring him tomorrow, and so forth. It’s like both evaluating and planning time for someone before making choices and firmly taking steps and actions accordingly. In addition, this is also a period when individuals start prioritizing, organizing, and managing matters in their life.

Meanwhile, there is no specific lesson or curriculum taught in primary and secondary education to prepare individuals when they are facing this transition phase yet, despite it having a pivotal impact on someone’s life path. Thus, individuals have to learn by doing as well as getting insights from elders’ experiences to deal with the issue during the transitional phase. Nonetheless, it is worth noting that not all advice given and experiences shared by others need to be internalized entirely, yet it needs to be filtered to some relevant extent and adjusted to the individual-specific case. This is where someone’s way of thinking and making decisions plays a role. Commonly, there are two ways of individual’s decision making, namely rational and intuitive decision making. Each technique has advantages and drawbacks, which will further be discussed in the forthcoming article.

Furthermore, based on the writer’s observation and references study, the dilemmatic situation during the transition phase is common to happen among people who are moving from their teenagers to young adults due to changes in several aspects in their life e.g. role in family and society, responsibility, social relation, life purposes, self-existent and core values. It is to say that an individual needs to learn, adapt and improve himself according to his capability and unique internal attribute to get along with his new circumstance. The circumstance where he is now responsible at least for himself – his choices regarding career, relationship, financial, etc. The transition phase is such a portal for individuals from their previously systemized condition and bounded choices to the newly broad circumstance and infinite options where oftentimes leaving them overwhelmed.

Moreover, it is also important to note the generational difference as a pivotal factor since it determines someone’s value, perception, and response to his situation. For instance, Baby Boomers, Generation X, and Millennials generation differ in many life aspects such as core values, attributes, view toward work-life balance, work ethics, and so forth. This diversity could further give more pressure on someone from one generation – for example, a Millennial entering a new work environment with several Generation X’s – when he is still figuring out and solidifying himself, what he wants and what he does not. On the other hand, this should not be a significant obstacle for individuals who has convinced and solid with their choices.

Therefore, it is suggested for individuals struggling in this transition phase to put self-care (mindfulness) in the first place, find and keep their core values, and focus on each stuff and matter, and stop peeking on and self-comparing with others because simply everybody has this specific attribute that makes comparing someone’s life with others is irrelevant, and that is uniqueness. The concrete practices of the previous suggestions might vary among individuals due to the property of individual uniqueness, for instance, the core values and priorities of each individual are different and hence the concrete actions might also various for each person. Notwithstanding, once someone understands himself and sticks to his principles and fundamentals, it is less likely for him to get obscured, and thus it might be easier to self-solidify and deal with situation and choices during the transition phase.

During the striving time in the transition phase, perhaps Albert Camus’ words might help in alleviating the burden and reminding that there is always hope ahead. He said, “in the midst of winter, I found there was, within me, an invincible summer. And that makes me happy. For it says that no matter how hard the world pushes against me, within me, there’s something stronger – something better, pushing right back.”


P.S. This post is an introduction before the writer launches an article related to the topic regarding decision-making and generational differences. Hence, the topic would be discussed more comprehensively, profoundly, and elaborated in the forthcoming article.

TKM

Long Live Compassion

You knew that I once wished for simplicity in a relationship, my dear.
However, these were the actual meaning behind the word ‘simplicity’:


During my lifetime under the sun, I wished I were there with someone who could bring tranquil to my heart, someone with whom I could spend the moment without being frightened that I would lose her tomorrow day.
I wished for a love that felt as if it was a dream, yet when I woke up she was still there with me.
The one who kept coming back to me, the one who made me believe.

I wished for a side-by-side-love so that I wouldn’t have to worry about serious and fundamental matters, about difficult decisions and hard words.
Moreover, we would know we had the rest of our lives together for conversation so that we could be in silence for a while – the comfortable silence.
Ergo, the time would pass in no hurry and I knew that I wouldn’t have to spend my time alone.

I wished for the one who made my heart felt as if it was summer when the rain were pouring down.
Someone with whom I could feel like my mind was free and my dreams were reachable, for our two hearts would be building up the pieces and would make it easy.
Someone who could give it to me so entirely that there would be no more wishing
.


If you only knew that I once was willing to put you up on a pedestal.
Nevertheless, you knew that I loved you and so did I.

Te Queiro Mucho.



Existent

10430. Summer 2018.

The time of inquiries has come.
The inquiries about everything felt and thought.
The questions about true happiness, real struggle, self development and spiritual maturity.
The enigmas of logic and conscience, of reason and faith.

The day of confusion has arrived.

The quandary about everything to decide, undertake and undergo.
The dilemma when frankness got tempted, when virtue got trial, when integrity got challenged, when sincerity got tested, when foothold and handhold got unsteady.
The conundrum about the way and path to live the life.

Righteousness, truth and benevolence will not die of drought for they shall always bloom and get fulfilled within the right hope.

After all this moment of meditation, a revelation is a matter of time.

Jakarta, 20 June 2020


P.S.
Dear my beloved parents, these were probably the things that I would have asked if you were by my side and I had gotten that chance to do so. Gratefully, I got these puzzles gradually settled up. In this phase, I recalled this advice: “Remember your Creator in the days of your youth“, and it gave me some lights in solving the inquiries and riddles.

A Reflection: Never Get Tired

I. A Tale of A Woman Who Wrote Letters

Once upon a time, there lived a woman who had been living a simple life in a little town with her daughter. One day, her daughter got hit on an accident by a car driven by a drunk man. The accident wasn’t handled with the principle of the true justice by local law enforcement officers and so the drunk man got freed. It broke the woman’s heart knowing that her daughter were treated unfairly. After several attempts to seek for justice had been made, yet the result remained the same: she didn’t get the justice for her daughter and the drunk man was still wandering out there in the town. Thus, she decided to write a letter to the mayor of the town asking for justice for her daughter based on her intuition and faith that her request would be granted. She wrote a letter and sent it each day, one letter a day with the same content. There was no reply nor anything happened in the early days of her actions, even though the letters had been arrived in the mayor’s room.

But the woman never get tired of writing and sending her letters to the mayor in order to accomplish her heart desire. So, she doubled the amount of the letter she wrote and sent. She wrote two same letters each day and sent it in different time of the day constantly. Day by day was passed through without anything happened in response to her request, yet she still believe in her faith and desire to fight for justice. Until one day, the day came to her, the time revealed the answer for her heart’s longing. The mayor finally “gave up” in receiving the woman’s letter that keep coming to his room everyday, either due to there was nothing left to be handled or he just gave in and appreciated the woman’s consistent effort. At the same day the mayor gave order to treat the woman’s daughter accident case with true justice and fairly, the drunk man got caught and even the mayor, on the behalf of the government, provided the woman and her daughter with abundant grant as an apology. The miracle finally happened to the woman and her daughter. Her determination, devotion, desire and faith which reflected in her decision and action ultimately brought something even more than her heart could desire and her mind could think of.


II. A Real Life Event of A Phone Calling

Recently, a man got a disruption by a phone call from a bank’s customer service. At first, he neglected the call. Until the call came again so he decided to pick it up. Due to one and another reasons, the discussion had to be continued in another time of the day, yet he thought that he would never pick a call that come from that number anymore. The next phone call came in the evening and he abandoned it. The next day, the phone call from the bank’s customer service came once again in the morning and he still didn’t pick it up. Again and again until uncounted phone call attempts had been made by the bank’s customer service, and it had the man changed his mind and soften his heart.

Eventually, he picked up the phone and finished the discussion. The man felt relieved and recognized the reason why the bank’s customer service keep calling until he picked up because she was obliged and ordered to do so. She was assigned to complete her task and she was not giving up on it. It inspired the man to do the same thing in his life. An event which at first he perceived as a disruption turned out to be a lesson for him.


The two stories above have both similarity and differences. The similarity lies in the message they bring to us: never get tired of doing something, never get hopeless since we never know exactly how far we are from what we always want and desire.

The differences are based on two aspects. Firstly, the former story is a tale and not based on a true story, while the latter is a real life experience. Secondly, the determination and devotion in the former story is built in the basis of faith and believe, intuition that the final goal will be accomplished, without the person knowing in exact what to do initially. Meanwhile, the determination and devotion in the latter story is built on the awareness and knowledge that the person is obliged to do actions, complete tasks, and achieve the final goal.

Time will tell and reveal our heart’s longing. It is important to have consistency, determination, devotion and faith in what we believe based on good and right intention and purpose. As long as we keep our hope and faith, and turn them into action, even the small one, something in accordance with our faith will appear to us in the form that even our mind could not imagine.


A Short Tale of Choosing Shoes

10110

Deciding the right shoes for us most of the time is challenging because we need to find one out of many choices that is right for us – the ones that are fit in and convenient for us.

We find the style that we want, but the size which fit for us is out of stock. We find the size that fit for us, but the style is far from our wishes.

Sometime we force to walk with the unfit shoes that we like due to compatibility and similarity with our expectation, yet it turns out to be painful because of blisters in the foot.

Oftentimes, we have found the shoes that is right for us. Yet we neglect it for a while and continue our search to fulfill our curiosity, only to recognize that the first ones that we have found are the best for us.

The experience we get from walking with the unfit shoes makes us comprehend the type of our feet and the right shoes that we need to fit in with us amidst many options and considerations in choosing the right shoes. It is to say that we could only know the right shoes for us if we have experienced the improper ones first.

Fortunately, there is always chance to find and walk through with the right shoes as long as we are open and prudent enough. In other words, we are ready enough to find and get the one that meet our need and fit in with us.

Parable of A Tandem Bicycle

Credit image: Grant Snider/incidentalcomics.com

Being in a relationship is like riding a tandem bicycle with your spouse.

The tandem bicycle’s handlebar is the vision, principle and belief shared between the couple.
When the couple shares those mutual fundamental life values, they move forward together in unity.
It’s just like when they are going to the same direction with the tandem bicycle.
How could they go together in one tandem bicycle if they have different purposes and motives?
The chances are either they would fall down or they would move out from the bicycle – in other words, it won’t last in the long run.

The speed of the tandem bicycle is like the frequency, intimacy and chemistry between the couple.
When the couple has the same frequency, either both run their life in a rush or in a slow pace, then they could and more likely to live in harmony.
When they fit in to each other with their traits, complement and tolerate each other’s weakness, then they could possibly grow and accomplish their goals together.
Those things are just like when they are pedaling the tandem bicycle with the same speed, no matter they move fast or slowly, they will get to their objectives eventually.
how could they move together in one tandem bicycle if they are pedaling in different pace?
the chances are either one party is dragged along or the pedal of one party is getting heavier, in other words, it won’t work for a long journey.

In conclusion, it takes the same vision, effort as well as understanding in order to get a healthy and a working relationship, just as keeping the tandem bicycle move toward the intended place together.

Home Finding Journey

"But we had to celebrate and be glad, because this brother of yours was dead and is alive again; he was lost and is found."

So, so you think you can tell,
while we still atop the surface and beneath the sun,
the deep and comprehensive meaning of Home?
Have you found your Home yet?
Your another part of soul,
after your exhausting journeys and quests from house to house?

Did they get you to trade?
your wine for poison,
cool breeze for hot air,
your caress for a scar,
did they get you to exchange your freedom for a snare in a cage
?
You were once the man on the outside looking in and wondering out

Now you know your Home,
she is the one bringing you comfort instead of threat,
providing an embrace as a replace for despair,
giving calmness in return for insecurity,
revealing clarity in exchange for fading
,
putting in enlightenment for the darkened chamber

This is your Home
She’s letting you in from the cold and blanket you with warmth,
gradually and carefully nurturing your seeds
with fidelity,
shaping your clay into marvelous solid steel,
turning your lead into gold,
You are now the man on the inside settling in and not taking out


Self Finding Journeys

I dive deeply to silence,
sinking in blissful solitude,
inhaling and exhaling in relieve,
probing every room of the heart in calmness,
closing eyes, losing control,
investigating the inner, aware of the outer,
calming the busy and branch thought,
attempting to recall and research principle in the internal world,
I find myself.

I run swiftly to flee,
moving in hasten,
taking gasped breath in hurry,
listening to heartbeat, gripping footstep,
neglecting around, focusing on my path,
coping with barriers and obstacles,
defeating the ultimate enemy,
trying to understand and discover meaning in the external world,
I find myself.

In the midst of those two journeys,
in the end of the day,
at least, the one that I would not like to lose is myself.



Un Nouveau Soleil (2)

Jakarta, 9 April 2020

Sebagai awalan, kesamaan dari seri tulisan dengan judul yang jika diterjemahkan berarti Matahari Baru ini yaitu topik utama yang berkisar antara iman, pengharapan dan kasih, namun dengan cerita ataupun ulasan yang berbeda. Seri tulisan singkat ini merupakan tulisan lanjutan dari tulisan sebelumnya dan terbentuk tanpa disengaja. Sebab, untuk dapat mengerti dan melakukan sesuatu hal perlu proses belajar dan praktik tidak hanya sekali atau dua, melainkan bahkan hingga seumur hidup. Mungkin seri tulisan ini dapat dipandang sebagai bagian dari proses pembelajaran dan praktik dari inti ajaran dalam kitab suci kepercayaan penulis, Injil, yaitu: kasih.

Selama sekitar dua bulan belakangan terhitung sejak tulisan ini dipublikasi, banyak kejadian, bacaan, maupun sumber-sumber lainnya yang mendorong kontemplasi. Setidaknya, ada dua hal penting yang dapat dirangkum dan dipelajari dari semua intake tersebut, yaitu kasih tidak menuntut, serta taburan kebaikan dan kebenaran menghasilkan tuaian yang sama sekali tidak merugikan.

Hal penting pertama: kasih tidak menuntut. Kalimat sederhana namun berarti mendalam untuk dilakukan dan luas untuk dimengerti. Untuk (dan semoga dapat) mempermudah penjelasan, dapat menggunakan pendekatan (jika terbiasa menggunakan akal budi) ex ante dan ex post, sebelum dan sesudah kejadian. Dalam konteks ex ante, kasih tidak menuntut kondisi, situasi, syarat, ekspektasi, timbal balik, pamrih dalam bentuk apapun. Jika masih berandai, seperti misalnya “kalau kondisinya begini, pemikirannya seperti ini, fisiknya seperti itu dan sifatnya begitu, baru kita bisa mengasihi orang itu (terutama pasangan dan/atau orang terdekat)”, sebaiknya introspeksi dan evaluasi diri kembali karena hal tersebut belum mencerminkan kasih sepenuhnya, kasih yang tulus dan murni. Bahkan mungkin jika orang itu memenuhi kriteria yang dibuat, jika memang sumber masalahnya adalah belum adanya kasih sepenuhnya, seseorang bisa tetap tidak puas dan terus mencari, padahal dia tahu yang semestinya dia ubah adalah sikap hatinya untuk mau mengasihi tanpa menuntut. Perlu dicatat, jika kaitannya dengan pasangan yang belum sampai mengikat janji sehidup semati, asumsi berlaku untuk contoh di atas yaitu pasangan yang memang “jodoh” dari Tuhan. Pada akhirnya, semua akan menemukan jalannya jika memang berjodoh dan harus terjadi.

Seiring bertambahnya umur, hubungan semakin ibarat berdagang. Transaksional.

Kira-kira demikian tulisan salah satu cuitan di Twitter yang tanpa sengaja muncul di timeline penulis tepat sehari sebelum tulisan ini dibuat. Menurut hemat penulis, kalimat itu mencerminkan kondisi realita yang terjadi dalam konteks sosial, dan mungkin ada benarnya untuk ditindaklanjuti dengan sikap yang benar pula. Lakukan sesuatu yang baik atau menyenangkan bagi pihak lain karena memang telah ada kesepakatan sebelumnya, sudah memiliki tujuan awal. Hal ini lumrah dilakukan dalam konteks profesional, bisnis. Namun, jika kondisi serupa terjadi dalam hubungan, terutama dalam konteks pasangan, agaknya hal ini menjadi keliru. Dalam perspektif penulis, dengan pendekatan ex post, ketika kita baru dapat mengasihi setelah adanya konsensus, tidaklah menunjukkan kasih yang sesungguhnya. Perkara kasih tidaklah sama dengan bisnis. Pun jika ingin dipaksakan mencari kesamaan diantara keduanya mungkin yaitu bahwa ada risiko didalamnya. Kembali teringat salah satu kutipan dari film Love for Sale dengan sedikit penyesuaian, “Mencintai (mengasihi) adalah pekerjaan yang berat dan penuh risiko karena selalu melibatkan perasaan. Tapi, kukira, mengambil risiko tak pernah ada salahnya.”

Selain itu, bisa mengasihi orang yang memang mengasihi atau terlebih dulu mengasihi kita, bukankah hal yang selazimnya terjadi? Sebaliknya, tanpa perlu adanya konsensus tertentu, kasih yang tulus dapat mewujud seperti naluri atau insting untuk dengan segera dan dengan kerelaan hati menolong dan mendukung ketika orang sekitar, terutama terdekat kita, membutuhkan. Seumpama lilin sangat berguna dalam menerangi ketika tidak ada sumber terang di sekitar, bukan pada waktu siang hari ketika terang melimpah. Lebih jauh, bahkan kita diminta untuk mengasihi musuh dan orang yang menganiaya kita – dalam berbagai konteks. Hal sulit, mungkin bagi sebagian orang, tapi tidak mungkin tidak bisa dilakukan. Semua kembali kepada keterbukaan dan sikap hati masing-masing orang untuk mau “berdamai”. Kata terakhir ini menjadi penghubung pada hal penting kedua yang penulis dapatkan.


Hal penting kedua: tabur kasih, kebaikan dan kebenaran. Taburlah itu siang dan malam, karena kita tidak tahu taburan mana yang akan kita tuai, namun satu hal pasti yaitu tuaian kasih, kebaikan dan kebenaran yang kita dapatkan. Tindakan, tutur dan perilaku yang dilandasi niat dan sikap hati yang baik dan tulus pada akhirnya selalu mendapat lindungan, bahkan ketika kita tidak menyadari adanya ancaman akibat hal tersebut. At the end of the day, everything will be in its right place, with or without us knowing the way it happens. Itulah pengharapan yang dimiliki manusia dalam menjalani kehidupan, yang mendorong dan memampukan kita untuk senantiasa mengasihi dan mewujudkan kebaikan dan kebenaran dalam segala kondisi. Disamping itu, perlu untuk dicatat dan dilakukan yaitu bahwa niatan tulus harus dibarengi dengan hikmat dan akal budi, sehingga niat baik tidak dimanfaatkan secara tidak benar. Sehingga kebaikan tidak hanya kebaikan, tapi juga kebenaran. Sebab yang baik belum tentu benar, tapi yang benar pasti baik, atau akan mendatangkan kebaikan.

“Berdamai” yang disebutkan pada poin hal penting pertama pun tercakup dalam subpoin dari hal penting ini. Berdamai, pada diri sendiri, pun pada keadaan di luar kendali kita. Manusia memang terbatas, dalam hal ruang dan waktu, dalam hal kekuatan, dan lain sebagainya. Terlalu banyak ingin untuk mengontrol pada akhirnya dapat meruntuhkan apa yang telah dibangun, melalui kebimbangan, kekuatiran dan lain sebagainya yang membuat lupa untuk menikmati hidup sebagaimana mestinya. Berjaga-jaga dan waspada harus, tapi bukan berarti bahwa kita pemegang kendali sepenuhnya atas hidup kita. Sebegitu tidak berkuasanya manusia atas kejadian dalam kehidupan semestinya membuat kita semakin bersyukur dan menjalani kehidupan yang sejatinya adalah kesempatan dengan sebaik-baiknya dan sebenar-benarnya. Lagi-lagi di sini pentingnya memiliki kasih serta pengharapan yang baik dan benar, cara pandang yang dapat diambil untuk tetap bertahan pada prinsip kebenaran dan keyakinan di tengah ketidakpastian kehidupan dunia. Kembali lagi pada bagaimana tiap pribadi menyikapinya dengan keterbukaan hati dan kepekaan dalam memaknai setiap kejadian dalam hidup.

Sebagai penutup, hal penting pertama dalam tulisan ini mengingatkan kembali pada penggalan lirik salah satu lagu Linkin Park dengan judul The Messenger:

When life leaves us blind, love keeps us kind

Dan hal penting kedua mengingatkan kembali pada penggalan lirik salah satu lagu band Oasis berjudul The Masterplan:

Please brother take a chance
You know they’re gonna go
Which way they wanna go
All we know is that we don’t know
How it’s gonna be
Please brother let it be
Life on the other hand
Won’t make us understand
We’re all part of a masterplan


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