hope.

The Pursuit of (True) Happiness

^{Better one handful with tranquility than two handfuls with toil and chasing after the wind.}
Ecclesiastes 4:6

Happiness is subjective and rigidly associated with someone’s perception and personal-specific experience. However, generally, it often seems difficult and nearly impossible to feel happy when the uncontrollable external circumstances and environments are pathetic, horrible, unstable, uncertain, or not in a conducive condition. Some people, therefore, seek happiness (pleasure, enjoyment) through various ways such as buying and consuming as many (luxurious) goods as possible, doing some exercises, watching entertaining movies or TV shows, or by such a destructive way like overly drinking alcohol, consuming drugs in order to feel a good mood or temporary euphoria. Most people often get deluded in chasing after a pseudo-happiness, while true happiness might be the more proper one that they are truly looking for, and hence, it is pivotal to change the pursuit from a pseudo-happiness that is temporary and sourced from the external world of oneself to true happiness that comes from within the self and is long-lasting. This post hopefully might be a reminder for individuals in adjusting perceptions towards happiness so that they could avoid the bias in pursuit of happiness.

Happiness could be defined as a positive mood, a state of well-being that includes living a good life with a sense of meaning and deep satisfaction. It is found that most people in the world value happiness more important than other desirable personal outcomes, such as achieving awards, obtaining a great amount of money, and owning luxurious material goods. While the definition might be applied universally, what makes people happy could have different answers for different individuals as they have their own source of happiness that they perceive. Moreover, it is suggested that there are several factors which (could) affect someone’s happiness, e.g. genetic factor, life circumstances, achievements and awards, marital status, social relationships, physical environments, as well as individual ways of thinking and expressing feelings. Nevertheless, research concludes that happiness is under personal control.

Meanwhile, an individual should also be aware of a bias of perception in chasing after happiness – a pseudo-happiness – in which he/she thinks that possessing somethings, obtaining certain positions, having a relationship with someone or anything else sourced from external self would bring happiness. The bias might appear in many orientations, such as success, materialism, and hedonic treadmill. The bias in the pursuit of happiness lies in the perception that the more individuals have money – or any other tangible things, you name it – the happier they will be. When people reach a milestone such as buying a new house or securing a position, they have a strike of happiness, but eventually return to baseline – in other words, that happiness is a temporary feeling. This encourages the hedonic treadmill, where people continuously believe that the next change or transformation will bring happiness.

If you're not happy single, you won't be happy taken. Happiness comes from accepting the absurdity of repeatedly rolling a boulder up a mountain, not from relationships
— SparkNotes (@SparkNotes) August 20, 2020

Moreover, misperceptions of happiness arise when it goes to what individuals think will make them happy. People often believe that happiness will be accomplished when they get into a certain milestone in life, such as finding the perfect partner or having a particular salary. Thus, the bias in pursuit of happiness is mainly sourced from someone’s dependences and overly expectations upon the external factors or things to make him/her feel happy.

It is not to say that chasing after material and worldly things or trying to achieve greater wealth is useless, yet it should be noted that the perception of having everything that someone perceives would make him/her be happy is a misleading objective in the pursuit of happiness. Indeed, such material and mundane things could be supporting factors to obtain pleasure and enjoyment for physical needs. A study from Binghamton University in 2019 suggests that success materialism – wealth and material possessions are perceived as a sign of success in life – affects life satisfaction positively by encouraging economic motivation of individuals that could lead to an increase in the future satisfaction with their standard of living, and further positively impacts the overall life satisfaction. Nonetheless, it is worth noting that it is not automatically fulfilling the true happiness which comes from the mental and spiritual needs – the core of human beings.

Ironically, the result of the pursuit of a bias and pseudo-happiness is the feeling of unhappiness and unsatisfied. For instance, the pursuit of happiness materialism (wealth and material consumption is the sign of a happy life) could negatively affect life satisfaction in two different ways (Sirgy, 2019). First, it could lead people to feel discontented with their current standard of living, which in turn affects overall life satisfaction negatively. Second, it could lead an individual to neglect satisfaction from other important life aspects, such as family and social life, health, etc., which in turn would negatively affect overall life satisfaction.

Furthermore, there are two more real examples to explain the paradox of pseudo-happiness. The first example is taken from research by Jebb et al. (2018) which shows that the ideal income for individuals is $95,000 annually for life satisfaction or evaluation and $60,000 to $75,000 a year for emotional well-being, excluding families with children which certainly will need more. Emotional well-being is defined as one’s day-to-day emotions, such as feeling happy, excited, or sad and angry, while life satisfaction or evaluation means an overall assessment of how someone is doing and is likely more influenced by higher objectives and comparisons to others.

Nevertheless, incomes above $95,000 are not associated with an increase in well-being. The study thus reveals that once the threshold is attained, further raises in income are actually linked with reduced happiness. This might be due to the importance of money in fulfilling basic needs, purchasing goods, and perhaps loan repayments to some extent. Once the optimal point of needs is overcome, people might be driven by desires such as buying more material gains and involving in social comparisons, which in turn could ironically lower their well-being. In addition, life evaluation is prone to be more affected by the standards by which individuals compare themselves to other people.

The second example comes from the acknowledgment of an Indonesian artist, host as well as an entertainer who arguably has everything that a man could dream of. People would easily think that he absolutely lives with happiness since he has abundant wealth, an elegant house, sophisticated cars, and lives with his beautiful wife and children. Yet, in an interview with a former journalist, he admits that he still feels unhappy or stressed with his life even though the current life is the life which he was once dreamed of when he was younger. In addition, he explains that true happiness is sourced from the inner self, the feel of gratitude instead of having everything that seems promising happiness.

_{Happiness is your original state minus the belief that happiness has to be bought, or minus the fear that happiness is somewhere else. Inner happiness is a release from foolish external conditioning and a return to divine saneness.}
Robert Holden (2008)

Therefore, individuals need to be mindful of their perceptions of happiness. True happiness comes from within, it roots from the inner self, and could not be replaced by any of outer self might propose. Happiness generally sticks around for longer than a few moments at a time, while pleasure could come and go in seconds (Paul, 2015). Happiness encompasses curiosity, as well as the ability to tolerate risk and restlessness to reveal new passions, potentials, and aspects of an individual’s identity. It embraces a balance between momentary pleasure and longer-term striving toward objectives. Furthermore, happiness covers the ability to acknowledge and embrace various emotions, even the unpleasant ones. It involves seeing the macro views instead of getting stuck in the details. In sum, living with happiness means living with mindfulness, meaning, and purpose. Happiness encourages people to find joy in lasting relationships, being absorbed in working toward their objectives, and living life in accordance with their values.

As mentioned above, happiness is subjective and personal-specific, and hence it is also subject to each person. However, there might be several things to be noted which further could be some references in finding true happiness summarized from some sources. Those include doing everything with thoughtfulness, appreciation, and patience, keeping the good in mind and letting go of the bad, living with gratitude and counting the blessings, writing down objectives and taking steps toward them, accepting and being in the present moment, applying self-compassion by being mindful and taking care of the self (both physically and mentally) better, not relying or expecting happiness on others or things, incorporating balance, keeping positive mind and optimism (positive mental state), focusing on what could be done and taking a break appropriately, giving and practicing acts of kindness and generosity to others, stopping useless thought e.g. “if only” thinking and self-comparison to others’, taking a new perspective toward happiness, working on something and being fully passionate in doing it – in other words, being in flow, and experiencing happiness (Csikszentmihalyi, 1997).

Research suggests that while money could buy happiness to some degree, the quality of the expenditure is also as important as the quantity. Further, money could buy happiness, particularly if it is spent for the sake of the goodness of other people. It should be emphasized that someone does not need to have everything he/she wants in order to be happy since true happiness could be attained by being grateful for what he/she already has, no matter how much or little that may seem.

It is worth noting that an individual’s happiness is not others’ responsibility to take, vice versa. If someone constantly keeps trying to make others happy, when would he/she be happy? Thus, happiness is each self-responsibility. Individual’s true happiness comes from within, not in placing it to other people or things. Ultimately, true happiness comes in gratefulness.

References
Ackerman, E. (April 15, 2020). What Is Happiness and Why Is It Important?. Retrieved August 22, 2020 from https://positivepsychology.com/what-is-happiness/

Binghamton University. (September 3, 2019). Wealth can lead to more satisfying life if viewed as a sign of success vs. happiness. ScienceDaily. Retrieved August 22, 2020 from www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2019/09/190903125622.htm

Csikszentmihalyi, M. (1997). Finding Flow. Basic Books.

Holden, R. (2008). Authentic Success. [Audio File] Hay House.

Huff Post

Jebb, A., Tay, L., Diener, E. et al. (2018). Happiness, income satiation and turning points around the world. Nature Human Behaviour 2, 33–38. https://doi.org/10.1038/s41562-017-0277-0

Market Watch

Paul, M. (2015). The difference between happiness and pleasure. Huffington Post: Life. Retrieved from https://www.huffpost.com/entry/the-difference-between-happiness-and-pleasure_b_7053946

Possibility of Change

Psychology Today

Sirgy, M., Yu, G., Lee, D. et al. (2019). The Dual Model of Materialism: Success Versus Happiness Materialism on Present and Future Life Satisfaction. Applied Research Quality Life. https://doi.org/10.1007/s11482-019-09763-8

Stoerkel, E. (October 29, 2019). How to be Happy: Is There a Secret Key to Finding True Happiness?. Retrieved August 22, 2020 from https://positivepsychology.com/how-to-be-happy/

Self-Awareness and Self-Transcendence: Ways to Build Self-Acceptance

Knowing the importance of self-acceptance as well as the urgency and benefit of having high self-acceptance leads to the next question: how could individuals practice and obtain such high self-acceptance? While the exact answer may vary and be individual-specific, there are several general ways to practice self-acceptance on a daily basis. At least, there are two concepts that could contribute to gaining high self-acceptance which might be applied to daily activities, namely self-awareness, and self-transcendence.

This post aims to discuss and describe the two concepts of self-awareness and self-transcendence including the ways that an individual could apply the concepts to improve self-acceptance, starting from physical tasks to mental and perspective treatments. However, narrowing the scope of discussion regarding the way to increase self-acceptance to be more specific, easy to understand and concise is necessary to keep the discussion on point. The methods of boosting self-acceptance in this discussion will be based on two main facets, namely internal and external facets. Self-awareness represents the internal facet, while self-transcendence indicates the external facet of the attempts to obtain full self-acceptance.

Firstly, from the internal facet, high self-acceptance could be obtained by focusing on himself/herself i.e. self-awareness which includes self-regulation. Self-awareness by definition means the ability to pay attention to oneself, and thus to self-evaluate (Silvia and O’Brien, 2004). This would make an individual comprehend a good knowledge about his/her own characters, feelings, motivations, and desires. Therefore, self-awareness includes monitoring self-stress, thoughts, emotions, and beliefs. It should be highlighted that self-awareness is a delicate balance of two different – probably even competing – viewpoints (Eurich, 2018). Moreover, Silvia and O’Brien (2004) suggest that people with low self-awareness may be unable to take the perspectives of others, practice self-control, exhibit creative accomplishments, or experience pride and high self-esteem.

Discussion regarding self-awareness could further be taken from two points of view, namely internal and external self-awareness (Eurich, 2018). Eurich suggests that people with high of both internal and external self-awareness – the so-called Aware – would show characteristics in which they know who they are, what they want to achieve, and look for and respect others’ opinions. On the contrary, those with low internal and external awareness – the so-called Seekers – would not know who they are, their stances, and how others see them. As a result, they would feel stuck with their performances as well as their relationships. The deficiency of self-acceptance could appear in disguise but it may still be differentiated with the sufficient one. For instance, an individual who does not accept or forgive himself/herself and hence he/she is still apart from the self and does not feel as solid as oneself is one example of lacking self-acceptance.

Self-awareness could be obtained by regularly meditating i.e. mindfulness and self-regulation. Meditation here involves many kinds of meditations, including religious rituals in order to accomplish peace of mind. It is a continuous spiritual growth journey. Furthermore, meditation could help in compressing negative emotions, e.g. self-hatred, and unnecessary overthinking, embracing shadow self, refocusing on the positive aspects of oneself, and adjusting the right attitudes toward any kind of circumstances so that an individual could see the opportunities and potentials in himself/herself, and hence could relieve stress as well as be more hopeful and passionate in each situation. Meditation teaches an individual to be kind to himself/herself and others, be forgiving, keep clarity and a positive mind, be tolerant to imperfection, and let go of negative emotions due to something taken personally. In addition, contemplation in meditation could encourage an individual to have more comprehensive self-knowledge. Good self-knowledge might further lead to self-compassion and could be guidance in taking steps in career, relationship, interests, and any other aspects of life.

Another way to boost self-awareness is through doing hobbies and interests. Embrace any kind of talent, hobby and interest could help to find every single side of oneself. For instance, exercising or doing sports are beneficial both physically and mentally. Physically, it helps maintain stamina, immune and metabolic systems as well as body healthy overall. While mentally, it trains someone to focus on the established target, have a strong and never-give-up-mentality, have confidence, and believe in self-capability. Other examples such as writing essays, poems, scientific articles, etc. Writing helps an individual to express ideas and emotions or feelings, encourage to explore and learn any kind of discussion topic and linguistic course, as well as capture each of his/her events and work as a personal record at the very least. Thus, knowing hobbies and interests, and doing it consistently could bring both manifest and latent benefits in terms of self-awareness, and build self-capacity and self-capability.

Secondly, from the external facet, high self-acceptance could be accomplished by applying self-transcendence – surprisingly, it is the forgotten Maslow’s highest level on the hierarchy of needs above the self-actualization. Self-transcendence exhibits a declining dependence on externals of oneself, raising interiority and spirituality, and a greater sense of connectedness with past and future generations (Levenson, et.al, 2005). Once an individual is self-transcendent, he/she becomes less dependent on things outside of the self to define himself/herself. Practically, it could be achieved by contributing to work, family, or society.

Furthermore, self-transcendence is associated with the rise above the self and related to that which is more formidable than the self. Concisely, it is the recognition and acknowledgment that the self is a small part of a greater whole, and acting and contributing correspondingly. That which is more formidable than the self could be in various terms including human beings in general, nature, the universe, divine power, etc.

_{“Transcendence refers to the very highest and most inclusive or holistic levels of human consciousness, behaving and relating, as ends rather than means, to oneself, to significant others, to human beings in general, to other species, to nature, and to the cosmos”}
(Maslow, 1971, p. 269)

Wong (2017) suggests certain characteristics of self-transcendence people, including a switch in focus from the self to others which is a shifting of an individual from selfishness to consideration of the needs of others, a switch in values in which an individual is no longer get himself/herself driven by extrinsic incentive, or external rewards and expectations, yet by intrinsic reason (the gift for an activity is the activity itself), an increase in moral concern which leads an individual to have more vigorous regard on doing what is right, and the emotions of elevation such as awe, amazement, feeling uplifted, etc., which could be sparked by all previously described characteristics.

Moreover, several ways to practice self-transcendence in daily life could be done by doing meditation, self-empowering with knowledge and wisdom to raise awareness, embracing the spiritual and physical journey to find insight, and discovering self-spiritual methods that bring closer to individual’s life purpose and ideal self. Furthermore, self-transcendence could also be done through evoking realization of the present moment by practicing meditation and mindfulness, being more grateful instead of insecure, encouraging willingness to favor and help others voluntarily, and being more ethical in making a decision.

https://twitter.com/yereyere_/status/1290832441427410945?s=20

In conclusion, self-awareness and self-transcendence contribute to self-acceptance in a distinct way. Nevertheless, both concepts could help to unveil the obscure experienced by an individual in the spiritual and physical journey. Ultimately, it is worth noting one important thing in practicing self-acceptance, which is to be consistent. As the tweet above says, try to practice a thing (self-acceptance) a thousand times instead of practicing a thousand things once.

References
Big Think

Eurich, T. (January 4, 2018). What Self-Awareness Really Is (and How to Cultivate It). Harvard Business Review

Hall, K. (July 12, 2014). Self-Validation. Psychology Today

Huff Post

Levenson M., Jennings P., Aldwin C., and Shiraishi R. (2005). Self-transcendence: conceptualization and measurement. Int J Aging Hum Dev., 60(2):127-143. doi:10.2190/XRXM-FYRA-7U0X-GRC0

Maslow, A. H. (1971). The farther reaches of human nature. New York, NY, US: Arkana/Penguin Books.

Positive Psychology

Psychology Today

Silvia, P. and O’Brien, M. (2004). Self-Awareness and Constructive Functioning: Revisiting “the Human Dilemma. Journal of Social and Clinical Psychology, Vol. 23, No. 4, pp. 475-489. doi:10.1521/jscp.23.4.475.40307

Wong, P. (2017). From Viktor Frankl’s logo therapy to the four defining characteristics of self-transcendence. DrPaulWong.com.

Self-Acceptance: The Underrated but Important Concept

^{“Self-acceptance is such an underrated concept”}

_{“I am a growing human being realizing how my ego to validate myself is still high, but that’s okay. I know what I want, and today I’m going to keep on maintaining my ego and slowly let it die, one by one, until I can make room for another human being…”}

In the past few weeks, the two quotes sourced from Twitter above had introduced and triggered the author to discover more about self-acceptance, which might be related to the struggle faced by most young adult individuals. Self-acceptance, in brief, could be defined as acceptance by an individual towards all of his/her attributes, both positive and negative. The term includes the entire concept of body acceptance, self-protection from negative criticism, and believing in his/her capacities and capabilities. Most people might not recognize the importance of self-acceptance – or even not realize the term itself, whereas it has a crucial role in someone’s mental health particularly during the transition from adolescence into adulthood and hence it is imperative to practice self-acceptance.

Self-acceptance is important for some reasons. Self-acceptance brings several pivotal benefits to individuals. Self-acceptance would help individuals calm and manage themselves more effectively by validating their thoughts and emotions. The self-validation that initiates self-acceptance would further help individuals accept and better understand themselves, which links to a stronger identity and better self-control and confidence. Self-validation could also enable individuals to find wisdom and meaning in their mundane activities.

Individuals who have high self-acceptance are typically open with others and generally have positive feelings and thoughts about themselves, which in turn allow them to be successful – accomplish their plausible target in life, as well as lead them to feel fully functioning and contribute to society. Arguably, once individuals have high self-acceptance, it is easier to live their life to the fullest – knowing what they want and their self-potential in accordance to their capacities and capabilities as well as to find the meaning of their life and existence which further prevent them from having life or existential crisis.

Moreover, Neff et al. (2007) suggest that self-compassion – which has similar attributes to the term self-acceptance – might lessen the impact of anxiety when being confronted with an ego threat in a laboratory setting. Furthermore, it is found that rises in self-compassion occurring over a one-month interval are associated with higher psychological well-being. They show that a high level of self-acceptance could decline an individual’s focus on negative self aspects and encourage them to a higher possibility of involvement in acts of self-love.

As opposed to the benefit of having high self-acceptance, individuals with low self-acceptance might be more susceptible to getting overwhelmed, frustrated, anxious, self-doubting, or low self-esteem, and to feel isolated, unsatisfied, and insufficient regardless of having everything that most people want and need. Moreover, they might easily get tempted to compare themselves with others’ achievements. This evokes the irony of them not realizing that they compare their shadow selves with others’ highlights. These conditions eventually may lead individuals’ psychological and mental well-being to suffer, impede their self-development in many aspects and hinder them from living their life to the fullest potential.

Furthermore, self-acceptance plausibly underlies the growth of several psychological aspects such as self-esteem, self-confidence, self-awareness, self-functioning, etc. The development of these aspects in individuals’ psychological state might determine their behaviors, attitudes, and responses toward their external world, life satisfaction, and existence as human-being. Thus, it is necessary to put attention and effort to obtain self-acceptance as it could further direct individuals to achieve a peaceful state of mind and true happiness sourced from their inner selves.

In conclusion, it should be emphasized that self-acceptance is important for the state of individuals’ mental and psychology as well as their growth and development as human-being. It is prudent to put more concern and attempt to have high self-acceptance.

References
Harvard Health Blog
Huff Post
Neff, K. et al. (2007). Self-compassion and adaptive psychological functioning. Journal of Research in Personality 41, 139–154
Psychology Today

A Montage of Interview (2nd Piece): The Edge

+ Interviewer:
I’m interested in this particular topic which might relate to certain people out there, notably in their ‘crisis’ time, periods when individuals questioning several things that appear in their life. Do you think that some pieces of you, internally, need to change?
* Interviewee:
Maybe yes, they need to be fixed and straightened out for better and for self development. Well, I’m still reflecting and figuring it out. As David’s Psalm says, ‘Search me, God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting‘.

+ Interviewer:
Does that sensitive, private and maybe individual-specific part for some men needs to change?
* Interviewee:
I don’t know and I’m not certain yet. It may needs to (completely or partially to some degree) change or it may be the subject that needs to be replaced. The only thing that not change is the change itself, I guess.

+ Interviewer:
Do you expect this kind of the ‘situation’ and the ‘story’?
* Interviewee:
No, not really. Don’t get me wrong, but any other option might be better than the ‘situation’ and the ‘story’.

+ Interviewer:
Could you accept the ‘situation’ and the ‘story’ within your tolerable scale?
* Interviewee:
Not really. In fact, I don’t ever want this, I don’t need it from ihr and I don’t want to know as well as I don’t even give any concern to issue related to the topic of the ‘story’. I have never imagined nor expected something like this and I find no comfort and instead feel annoyed every time sie rises this issue up. Nevertheless, what I’m not certain at is the one that keep questioning, ‘is it my mere ego that needs to be eliminated or is it normal so that I just have to follow and to do what I always desire?’. Hopefully there will be figured out right away as I continue the journey to discover it.

+ Interviewer:
Then, why don’t you leave?
* Interviewee:
I don’t know, I’m just trying despite of the complexity. Perhaps it’s complicated to answer your question, but I try to tell you some explanation that I can give as for now. First, to some extent, gratefully, I must admit that there are some good and acceptable things which I received from it. Second, I want to undergo this exploration and journey with ihr since there is always space for hopeful and better days ahead – never underestimate any odds. In spite of the risks, maybe it’s worth to give some effort to hold on for a while, wait and see. Third, I’m not sure yet but I have the courage needed to keep calm and carry on. This reminds me of the famous quotes by Nietzsche saying that ‘to live is to suffer, to survive is to find some meaning in the suffering’.
Maybe, am I a masochist who find and get some pleasure from pain? Don’t get too serious, otherwise you’ll lose joyful of the moment *laugh*.
Anyway, let me play this song for a moment.

Choosing in The Transition Phase

^{“We need wisdom and courage to choose among hard choices.”}
^{_{Chatib Basri (2020)}}

The transition phase is arguably a tough time to pass through. Despite the hardship, however, it gives many things to learn as well as moves subjects from one state to another. Not only in terms of business and economy but also human beings – physically and mentally – are experiencing transition phase during their lifetime. The transition phase that we would like to discuss here is particularly about an individual’s moving phase from teenage to adult. While choosing and making decisions is a regular task people facing in each day, nevertheless, doing so in the transition phase is rather a distinctive situation since there are plenty of factors, impacts and consequences that need to be considered wisely and carefully before making a choice.

The transition phase is often quite challenging. This is the time when an individual starts thinking deeply about himself, his identity, role, and integrity – a period when he keeps questioning everything. Question regarding the meaning of life, about righteousness and important decision to make in every situation, where will life bring him tomorrow, and so forth. It’s like both evaluating and planning time for someone before making choices and firmly taking steps and actions accordingly. In addition, this is also a period when individuals start prioritizing, organizing, and managing matters in their life.

Meanwhile, there is no specific lesson or curriculum taught in primary and secondary education to prepare individuals when they are facing this transition phase yet, despite it having a pivotal impact on someone’s life path. Thus, individuals have to learn by doing as well as getting insights from elders’ experiences to deal with the issue during the transitional phase. Nonetheless, it is worth noting that not all advice given and experiences shared by others need to be internalized entirely, yet it needs to be filtered to some relevant extent and adjusted to the individual-specific case. This is where someone’s way of thinking and making decisions plays a role. Commonly, there are two ways of individual’s decision making, namely rational and intuitive decision making. Each technique has advantages and drawbacks, which will further be discussed in the forthcoming article.

Furthermore, based on the writer’s observation and references study, the dilemmatic situation during the transition phase is common to happen among people who are moving from their teenagers to young adults due to changes in several aspects in their life e.g. role in family and society, responsibility, social relation, life purposes, self-existent and core values. It is to say that an individual needs to learn, adapt and improve himself according to his capability and unique internal attribute to get along with his new circumstance. The circumstance where he is now responsible at least for himself – his choices regarding career, relationship, financial, etc. The transition phase is such a portal for individuals from their previously systemized condition and bounded choices to the newly broad circumstance and infinite options where oftentimes leaving them overwhelmed.

Moreover, it is also important to note the generational difference as a pivotal factor since it determines someone’s value, perception, and response to his situation. For instance, Baby Boomers, Generation X, and Millennials generation differ in many life aspects such as core values, attributes, view toward work-life balance, work ethics, and so forth. This diversity could further give more pressure on someone from one generation – for example, a Millennial entering a new work environment with several Generation X’s – when he is still figuring out and solidifying himself, what he wants and what he does not. On the other hand, this should not be a significant obstacle for individuals who has convinced and solid with their choices.

Therefore, it is suggested for individuals struggling in this transition phase to put self-care (mindfulness) in the first place, find and keep their core values, and focus on each stuff and matter, and stop peeking on and self-comparing with others because simply everybody has this specific attribute that makes comparing someone’s life with others is irrelevant, and that is uniqueness. The concrete practices of the previous suggestions might vary among individuals due to the property of individual uniqueness, for instance, the core values and priorities of each individual are different and hence the concrete actions might also various for each person. Notwithstanding, once someone understands himself and sticks to his principles and fundamentals, it is less likely for him to get obscured, and thus it might be easier to self-solidify and deal with situation and choices during the transition phase.

During the striving time in the transition phase, perhaps Albert Camus’ words might help in alleviating the burden and reminding that there is always hope ahead. He said, “in the midst of winter, I found there was, within me, an invincible summer. And that makes me happy. For it says that no matter how hard the world pushes against me, within me, there’s something stronger – something better, pushing right back.”

P.S. This post is an introduction before the writer launches an article related to the topic regarding decision-making and generational differences. Hence, the topic would be discussed more comprehensively, profoundly, and elaborated in the forthcoming article.

TKM

You knew that I once wished for simplicity in a relationship, my dear.
However, these were the actual meaning behind the word ‘simplicity’:

During my lifetime under the sun, I wished I were there with someone who could bring tranquil to my heart, someone with whom I could spend the moment without being frightened that I would lose her tomorrow day.
I wished for a love that felt as if it was a dream, yet when I woke up she was still there with me.
The one who kept coming back to me, the one who made me believe.

I wished for a side-by-side-love so that I wouldn’t have to worry about serious and fundamental matters, about difficult decisions and hard words.
Moreover, we would know we had the rest of our lives together for conversation so that we could be in silence for a while – the comfortable silence.
Ergo, the time would pass in no hurry and I knew that I wouldn’t have to spend my time alone.

I wished for the one who made my heart felt as if it was summer when the rain were pouring down.
Someone with whom I could feel like my mind was free and my dreams were reachable, for our two hearts would be building up the pieces and would make it easy.
Someone who could give it to me so entirely that there would be no more wishing.

If you only knew that I once was willing to put you up on a pedestal.
Nevertheless, you knew that I loved you and so did I.

^{Te Queiro Mucho}^.

Existent

The time of inquiries has come.
The inquiries about everything felt and thought.
The questions about true happiness, real struggle, self development and spiritual maturity.
The enigmas of logic and conscience, of reason and faith.

The day of confusion has arrived.
The quandary about everything to decide, undertake and undergo.
The dilemma when frankness got tempted, when virtue got trial, when integrity got challenged, when sincerity got tested, when foothold and handhold got unsteady.
The conundrum about the way and path to live the life.

Righteousness, truth and benevolence will not die of drought for they shall always bloom and get fulfilled within the right hope.
After all this moment of meditation, a revelation is a matter of time.

_{Jakarta, 20 June 2020}

_P.S.
_{Dear my beloved parents, these were probably the things that I would have asked if you were by my side and I had gotten that chance to do so.} _{Gratefully, I got these puzzles gradually settled up. In this phase, I recalled this advice: “Remember your Creator in the days of your youth“, and it gave me some lights in solving the inquiries and riddles.}

A Reflection: Never Get Tired

I. A Tale of A Woman Who Wrote Letters

Once upon a time, there lived a woman who had been living a simple life in a little town with her daughter. One day, her daughter got hit on an accident by a car driven by a drunk man. The accident wasn’t handled with the principle of the true justice by local law enforcement officers and so the drunk man got freed. It broke the woman’s heart knowing that her daughter were treated unfairly. After several attempts to seek for justice had been made, yet the result remained the same: she didn’t get the justice for her daughter and the drunk man was still wandering out there in the town. Thus, she decided to write a letter to the mayor of the town asking for justice for her daughter based on her intuition and faith that her request would be granted. She wrote a letter and sent it each day, one letter a day with the same content. There was no reply nor anything happened in the early days of her actions, even though the letters had been arrived in the mayor’s room.

But the woman never get tired of writing and sending her letters to the mayor in order to accomplish her heart desire. So, she doubled the amount of the letter she wrote and sent. She wrote two same letters each day and sent it in different time of the day constantly. Day by day was passed through without anything happened in response to her request, yet she still believe in her faith and desire to fight for justice. Until one day, the day came to her, the time revealed the answer for her heart’s longing. The mayor finally “gave up” in receiving the woman’s letter that keep coming to his room everyday, either due to there was nothing left to be handled or he just gave in and appreciated the woman’s consistent effort. At the same day the mayor gave order to treat the woman’s daughter accident case with true justice and fairly, the drunk man got caught and even the mayor, on the behalf of the government, provided the woman and her daughter with abundant grant as an apology. The miracle finally happened to the woman and her daughter. Her determination, devotion, desire and faith which reflected in her decision and action ultimately brought something even more than her heart could desire and her mind could think of.

II. A Real Life Event of A Phone Calling

Recently, a man got a disruption by a phone call from a bank’s customer service. At first, he neglected the call. Until the call came again so he decided to pick it up. Due to one and another reasons, the discussion had to be continued in another time of the day, yet he thought that he would never pick a call that come from that number anymore. The next phone call came in the evening and he abandoned it. The next day, the phone call from the bank’s customer service came once again in the morning and he still didn’t pick it up. Again and again until uncounted phone call attempts had been made by the bank’s customer service, and it had the man changed his mind and soften his heart.

Eventually, he picked up the phone and finished the discussion. The man felt relieved and recognized the reason why the bank’s customer service keep calling until he picked up because she was obliged and ordered to do so. She was assigned to complete her task and she was not giving up on it. It inspired the man to do the same thing in his life. An event which at first he perceived as a disruption turned out to be a lesson for him.

The two stories above have both similarity and differences. The similarity lies in the message they bring to us: never get tired of doing something, never get hopeless since we never know exactly how far we are from what we always want and desire.

The differences are based on two aspects. Firstly, the former story is a tale and not based on a true story, while the latter is a real life experience. Secondly, the determination and devotion in the former story is built in the basis of faith and believe, intuition that the final goal will be accomplished, without the person knowing in exact what to do initially. Meanwhile, the determination and devotion in the latter story is built on the awareness and knowledge that the person is obliged to do actions, complete tasks, and achieve the final goal.

Time will tell and reveal our heart’s longing. It is important to have consistency, determination, devotion and faith in what we believe based on good and right intention and purpose. As long as we keep our hope and faith, and turn them into action, even the small one, something in accordance with our faith will appear to us in the form that even our mind could not imagine.

A Short Tale of Choosing Shoes

Deciding the right shoes for us most of the time is challenging because we need to find one out of many choices that is right for us – the ones that are fit in and convenient for us.

We find the style that we want, but the size which fit for us is out of stock. We find the size that fit for us, but the style is far from our wishes.

Sometime we force to walk with the unfit shoes that we like due to compatibility and similarity with our expectation, yet it turns out to be painful because of blisters in the foot.

Oftentimes, we have found the shoes that is right for us. Yet we neglect it for a while and continue our search to fulfill our curiosity, only to recognize that the first ones that we have found are the best for us.

The experience we get from walking with the unfit shoes makes us comprehend the type of our feet and the right shoes that we need to fit in with us amidst many options and considerations in choosing the right shoes. It is to say that we could only know the right shoes for us if we have experienced the improper ones first.

Fortunately, there is always chance to find and walk through with the right shoes as long as we are open and prudent enough. In other words, we are ready enough to find and get the one that meet our need and fit in with us.

Parable of A Tandem Bicycle

Credit image: Grant Snider/incidentalcomics.com

Being in a relationship is like riding a tandem bicycle with your spouse.

The tandem bicycle’s handlebar is the vision, principle and belief shared between the couple.
When the couple shares those mutual fundamental life values, they move forward together in unity.
It’s just like when they are going to the same direction with the tandem bicycle.
How could they go together in one tandem bicycle if they have different purposes and motives?
The chances are either they would fall down or they would move out from the bicycle – in other words, it won’t last in the long run.

The speed of the tandem bicycle is like the frequency, intimacy and chemistry between the couple.
When the couple has the same frequency, either both run their life in a rush or in a slow pace, then they could and more likely to live in harmony.
When they fit in to each other with their traits, complement and tolerate each other’s weakness, then they could possibly grow and accomplish their goals together.
Those things are just like when they are pedaling the tandem bicycle with the same speed, no matter they move fast or slowly, they will get to their objectives eventually.
how could they move together in one tandem bicycle if they are pedaling in different pace?
the chances are either one party is dragged along or the pedal of one party is getting heavier, in other words, it won’t work for a long journey.

In conclusion, it takes the same vision, effort as well as understanding in order to get a healthy and a working relationship, just as keeping the tandem bicycle move toward the intended place together.